Campbell, like the Avenue.

I refuse to be defined by my past relationships.

Regardless of how hard that might be that is the only way I can ever move forward and obtain what I truly want.

God, give me strength.

It sucks that all my best friends don’t live here. I really want some wings and beer and a girlfriend to talk/gossip with today. I’m feelin a little blah. And hungry.

I can’t decide if I should move out back into my old aptartment at the end of May or not. Hazel at that point will almost be 4 months and my grandma doesn’t want to stay there anymore. Lets make a couple lists:

Pros: the apt is 30 secs form my mom’s, already furnished with all my things, good side of town, w/d included, affordable, big for a one bedroom, gives me my independence back, one of a kind

Cons: alone no help, stop saving money, renting, only one bedroom, bad memories

Hmm, I am feeling like I should stay but I also feel like I am giving up a REALLY good deal.

I wish there was another way to turn off my brain other then sleeping. Because sleeping all day isn’t an option right now. But all these thoughts are going to drive me numb if I don”t figure something out.

Seriously? I really just need to kick him in the balls really hard and tell him he is a selfish piece of shit with no heart and then delete him from facebook. Also, stick him with child support after he severs his parental rights.

God, he makes me want to vomit.

Everybody knows that I am a huge fan of my pale skin. I think its gorgeous. This hasn’t always been the case but now I take full advantage of it. NOW, I am even more in love with it because as I have recently come to realize, breastfeeding/pumping makes the veins in your chest more prominent. If you put those two things together you can really see them which I think it turn makes me look more pale which I am happy about. Also, I think that seeing the veins somehow gives me a feeling of accomplishment in some weird way. I don’t know what exactly I have accomplished but whatever. That’s how I feel.

I thought maybe that this Valentine’s Day would be different because I would be distracted b my beautiful daughter but that’s not quite the case. It still sucks balls being single today. I guess it doesn’t help that I’m feeling a little frisky despite myself. All I want is something I can’t have. What’s new?

My work is trying out new tactics for our annual evaluations this year. First, they want us to evaluate ourselves and then turn it in to our supervisor. Second, the supervisor looks it over and makes changes as they deem necessary and lastly, we sit down for the eval. together and come to the conclusion that the department can’t live without me and discuss my raise.

I get the idea and I see how it really wants to be a good idea but all I want to write acoss this 8 page eval. is “I’m awesome!”. In red pen. Because I am.